I Just Can’t Get You Out of My Head, Boyce Your Lovin’ Is All I Think About

Sunday 17^th February 2008:

For the first time in fifteen months I shaved hair clean off my face. I made pizza toast*. I ‘got involved’ locally.

The latter, of course, concerns Fortune Green – a neighbouring ward to the one in which Julian H Towers. In which Julian H towers.

In 2001 there were nineteen people in Fortune Green with four or more cars or vans. What would you do with four cars or vans? What would you do with more than four cars or vans? What would you do with more than four cars or vans in Fortune Green? [answer in the comments]

There is a by-election in Fortune Green on Thursday in which Nancy Jirira will be elected Lead Presidential Head Councillor of All of Fortune Green. Nancy is, probably, hoping to be a future Honey of the Week.

When putting leaflets into people’s houses I came across:

1. Tories
2. Jehovah’s Witnesses

To the Tories I said ‘good afternoon’, and this wasn’t a lie. They were speaking to some residents who said to them ‘Sorry, we’re voting Lib Dem’. I felt like doing a kind of spasm-jump, punching the air and shouting:

“AAAGGHHH! RAAAGGHHHH!

In your FACE! In your FACE!

AAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

But I didn’t.

Later I met the Jehovah’s Witnesses. One of the Jehovah’s Witnesses said:

‘We are Jehovah’s Witnesses’.

She wasn’t even embarrassed. She said it as if Jehovah was just around the corner, or in the same way as I might say ‘I got some milk from the shop’.

I said:

‘I am Clegg’s Witness’.

She said:

‘Sorry?’.

I said (becoming suddenly bashful following my frankly abysmal joke):

‘Sorry, it’s campaign literature, for the election’.

She said (and I promise, promise, this is not a lie):

‘Ah. I’m looking forward to God’s Government’.

She then said:

‘Do you know about that?’.

Do I know about God’s Government? Do I…? What the…? For some completely unfathomable reason I said:

‘Yes’.

She said:

‘Oh, you do?’.

I said:

‘Yes, but I’m afraid I don’t believe in it’.

This, Reader, is the level of my debating skills. No wonder I resort to typing on a blog.

Earlier in the week I experienced more pleasant conversation at the National Liberal Club with pb.com lurker Augustus Carp. I mention this because there I met a vicar who presumably is rather more sane than the witness people; but in spite of this, in both places, and in fact whenever I meet a Religious Person these days, I can’t but help think of Laurence Boyce.

Laurence – your crusade (see what I’ve done there?) is not in vain. Soon no Religious Person will be able to have a conversation with anyone without the anyone thinking of you.

Or Kylie.

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* Get bread, toast it, spread tomato pesto on toast, add pizza-like stuff (tomato, olives, salami), top with cheese. Grill. Pizza toast.